OT Am being held hostage!

[dsf618]

OK, I hate to vent but...

My former FIL passed away. You all know how I felt about him.

We have been "dividing" the household items amongst all of us.

I was informed that I "could not have anything else" out of the house until I returned the pictures my first husband had and my FIL's fire badge.

First of all, I did not take these photos nor the badge. They were Marty's. When he died I inherited them.

They are upset because when I was frustrated that I could not visit my FIL and had to arrange visitation times I had to arrange it with the SIL who stole $50,000 cash from him and charged $38,000 on his credit card, I vented on Facebook without mentioning names.

So now, the apartment washer and dryer that are brand new that I spent $1200 installing is now community property til I turn over the pictures and fire badge.

I have the pictures in a box (I did take the pictures I wanted for the kids out of them - don't tell anyone!). I can not find the fire badge. It is in a box labeled Marty's memories. But we moved so fast because the bank threw us out I can't put my hands on it.

I have de friended all Fischers on Facebook. They are picking the pictures at 9am tomorrow. No one is speaking to me.

But I can't take this any more. How much heart break does one person need to endure?

This is the same family who wanted all of my fabric that I purchased to make the Legion quilt because I was incapable of doing it. It raised $350!!

How much is one person supposed to take! I have vowed never to step foot on the Fischer homestead ever again. But I have Jim and Robbyn to be concerned about. I can't take much more. Bernie's condition can not handle me so emotional.

How do I handle a family who hates me and my kids who want to be apart of the family who hates me??

All suggestions, prayers, advice would be appreciated.

Sorry for venting.

Deb

[WeeOne]

Deb,
I'm SO sorry to hear you are being treated like this. Sorry, I'm slow to the game here, I haven't read many post the last 10 months, had my share of family problems and busy with house flood. I don't know how you felt about your FiL, but the fact that these items were given to Marty and now yours, makes them your and your children's inheritance!! Know all about an in-laws (in my case EX-mother-in-law by 1 1/2 yrs)funeral. I was told (by ex) that I was not to come in red/purple (you know, the red hat thing, or purple thing, uffda, I'm tired), and I was not to sit near family.

I missed the chance to have my final goodbyes to my new FIL, who was an awesome man, because of the trouble between my DH and his sister, who was helping care for Dad.

Remember the good times!!!!!

Do you really need the washer/dryer?

I may be wrong, but I take Bernie is your, now, Husband. I understand his place, too. You see, my DH was married to a lady 6 1/2 yrs before she died of cancer. They were together about 8 yrs total. I met DH about 1 1/2 yrs after she died. I spent some time feeling like I was in a "shadow" of this fantastic woman, and not feeling worth to even being with my now DH.

Enough of my stuff! You have my prayers!! TAKE CARE OF YOU and YOUR CHILDREN! Don't know their ages, but I'm guessing they know all! If you wish to go to the funeral, GO! If the family says anything, just say, VERY loudly, Saying my goodbyes to .........!!!!

You are in my prayers, Deb. God Bless You and your family in this sad time.
Hugs,
Lyn

[MainelyMe]

I don't know your story, but feel your pain. The only thing I want to say is this. When I was going through a very bad family situation a few years ago, someone wise said to me " do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? " I chose happy. That I have control over. No matter what others do or say, I choose to be happy and live my life without all their issues and drama.
Just wanted you to look at it from a different perspective.
Good luck! Joan

[suzette58]

I am so sorry. This time in our lives seems to bring the worst out in families. I don't understand because this is when we need out families the most. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Suzette

[purrfect-lady]

Deb, I'm so sorry you are in this situation. However the badge and photos are yours to keep by inheritance. If you really need/want the washer/dryer then I guess you pay the price for them. Then you walk away and forget about then. There are some things in life you can control and some you can't. How old are your kids? I've forgotten. Are they old enough to drive themselves to visit their relatives if they want? Or to at least make their arrangement for the relatives to pick them up? Are you sure the kids really want to see them, given how they treat you?

My late husband's sister is of the same ilk as your former in-laws. I have no idea why she feels as she does, but when "it all came down" my kids, unbeknownst to me, told her to take a hike and our lives have become calm and happy once again.

So take a deep breath, treasure the mementos you have or trade them for the W/D, and then forget about them. Don't let them control your emotions and affect your new life and happiness. they can only do it if you let then.

God bless!
mary z

[12stepquilter]

Deb, I say hang on to the photos and don't look back. Live for you and the good memories not to please them. Just my opinion. Hugs
Rhonda

[rosebud3]

Deb, as things go, the washer and dryer are a dime a dozen, but the photos and fire badge are priceless memories which no one can replace for your kids down the road. They were left to Marty, which in turn should go to his children. You are only the keeper of their inheritance until such a time that your kids are old enough for you to pass them on. Don't let this situation rob you of your memories and joy. Don't let it become a burr that disrupts your new life with Bernie either. As I was praying this morning the words that came rushing into my heart and mind were:

Be not afraid my child for I am with you. I am here to give you comfort in your sorrow, to give you peace in your discontent and unrest, and to lift you up when you fall. Be still and know I am your father holding you in my arms through all things.

May God be with you and bless you.

Mary/Rosebud

[grammiequilts]

I wouldn't give them anything,,,,keep it for your kids....if they want to give it to them later they may do what they please when they are of age....tell the family that....you are not parting with anything..also tell them to stuff the washer and dryer up their collective behinds it iss only stuff and even if they gave you the washer and dryer you won't get you 1200 bucks back.....cut your losses...explain to the kids gently with out being hateful that that family does not like you and so there for you won't stop them from being part of the family you will excuse yourself from any and all of their activities. let the kids decide for themselves...these people can only control; yout emotions if you let them...Bernie needs you....they don't. prayers for you.....xxxooo

[dsf618]

I gave them the pictures. In all honesty I can not find the box that has the badge in it. We have searched and searched for it. I am attempted to just have one made and give it to them. I told them I did not want the washer and dryer, I want nothing more. I told them I would never step foot on the property ever again. The kids are 15 and 19. This is hard on them. I have gone for two nights now with no sleep.

I am tired.

[live2quilttwo]

It is so sad that families can be so cruel at such a hurtful time in life. I'm sorry your children have to suffer this on top of the loss of their Grandfather.
Prayers that it will get better soon. They may have the pictures, but I hope you have good memories. Those they can never take away !
Take the high road and hold your head high. Honor your FIL by being the mature one and put their pettiness behind you. Like Joan said, choose to be happy and at peace. Choose to end the heartaches by walking away. It isn't fair, life rarely is, but they can only continue to hurt you if you let them.
Be strong and brave and look to the future.
Blessings to you and the children!