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Please pray

General discussion of the quilting world, and topics that don't fit in other categories.
Caroline1947
Posts: 7227
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2007 5:05 am

Re: Please pray

Post by Caroline1947 » Thu Nov 17, 2016 3:13 am

Ladies,,,thank you all for all the kind words and support.I am doing better.I am an odd ball I guess.I'm not a conventional person.It was difficult for me to ask for help even on here.I have spent most of my life having to do for myself and making decisions on my own.My husband was a strong person but also meek and I did all the bill payments,decision making etc,not because he was weak,but because he trusted me and thought I made better decisions etc.
Hospice was very helpful and continue to support me.As for group support I would never be able to go sit with a grief group.I am somewhat of a loner and mostly dont like to share my sadness with others.I think its easier on here because I am not actually sitting in live company and baring my soul.I hope this makes sense. I love the Lord with all my heart and soul.Some people are not believers and thats ok,but I am. And in the end,He is my main counselor and I am trusting him and he has been helping me,along with the dear friends on here that he has blessed me with.I thank him I have gotten through the heart wrenching horrible pain I had,and now its a less intense pain,by focusing on the good times we had,and getting over guilt that one feels for words that may have been said that can never be taken back.Times that could have been better spent,and that kind of thing.If only we could do it over.But I have evolved to a more peaceful place.I still cry,I still grieve,but it's different.I realize He is in Heaven and understands all my feelings and would not want me to be in the horrible dark paralyzing place I was in .He would want me to be happy.I feel like I can start slowly to move on again,without feeling guilty if I laugh or smile or enjoy life.It took a lot of prayer and the realization that he would not want me to just stop living.Even when I did want to just stop.
I have been sorting through all the things we have accumulated for 21 years.Some things make me laugh ,some cry.But I have no choice but to put the house up for sale,and the senior housing is very small,so a lot of stuff has to go.The "good" stuff I will pass on to the kids and grandkids ,the rest will go to goodwill.None of my family,except one son has been supportive and helpful.I had no money for the cremation.He took care of all of that and is handling all the real estate stuff.I am currently on a waiting list at the Senior housing.I'm looking at the positives.Only have to pay rent and phone and internet,the yardwork,snow removal and all is included in the rent.I also will still have my state paid house keeper who is a blessing and a good friend as well.
I know it's gonna be a tough transition,but my dear Eugene will be with me in my heart every step cheering me on.And he would want me to be happy.
I am going to start sewing again soon.AND I have another new great grandbaby,a boy,due in February.God is good!!
Thank you all so much for your support,You guys are always here for me over the years,what,is has been maybe 10 years already??? I thank God for you all.I can always use your prayers on this new journey.It might be hard but not impossible.I can compare my life to my beloved quilts.Some pieces may be ugly,some are pretty,some patterns are easy,some are difficult,but in the end a good thing comes through.
My son chose a beautiful box for my husbands ashes and I was asked to write an inscription on it.I chose'
Eugene
My Husband
My Best Friend
Love of my life.
I love you all so much and Thank You again!! Hugs, Caroline

Three weeks today!!!!Itys getting a little easier to wake up in the morning feeling a bit hopeful!




Becca
Posts: 12194
Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 2:30 am

Re: Please pray

Post by Becca » Thu Nov 17, 2016 3:54 am

Caroline,
So happy to read your update to know you are moving on & can know there will be better days.My DS that lost his wife told me about the dark paralyzingly place too.That is normal.Its sad people don't understand until they have experienced it.So thankful you have us & God to lean on.Please know we care & are here for you.Sure those beautiful creations you make will one day appear again.Sending you a big hug. Becca

QuiltGram8
Posts: 7500
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2012 11:52 am

Re: Please pray

Post by QuiltGram8 » Fri Nov 18, 2016 12:35 pm

Hi Caroline,
Hope you will still try to get back to sewing. It is very good therapy.

Hugs
Vel
HUGS, 💕 Vel

Pilot2b
Posts: 10496
Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2007 2:03 am

Re: Please pray

Post by Pilot2b » Thu Nov 24, 2016 2:01 am

My dear Caroline:

Clearly my heart goes out to you. When my father was kicked in an auto accident December 26, 1966, I was devastated. He celebrated his 52 birthday Christmas day and I wasn't there. Living in Sacramento, ex in college and could not get to go home for Christmas. I still miss him dearly, every day. when my mother passed Dec. 3, 1999 from complications of Alziemers, grief was not as intense. Oh, I miss her terrible. After the loss of my father after losing 3 people in my family that. My uncle, from Rapid City, was flying to a letting for his family construction company. He was only 35 and left 3 young boys and a almost 2 year old daughter. They had just moved in to a beautiful massive home. His company was the one who built the interstates in the 60's in SD. We mourn our loved ones always and on the holidays even more. He was flying to a Letting in Hastings, Ne and must have put it on automatic pilot. This year here was a family Memorial on Memorial Day on that mound everything was still in tact.

Please know sweet Caroline how much we love and care for you .Wish I was closer and could pop in and take you to lunch. I know when you are grieving you just want to be left alone. Like you I am a loner also.In lime it gets a little better but never easier.
Know Natalie is crushed. Will say prayers for your family and send blessings and prayers to your son helping and caring for you. My ex, was very good to me with these traumatic deaths hit our family. My mother' s mother died of cancer 12/15/1966.

Sorry, I did mean to go on about my family.

Caroline, please know we are here for you and love you.

Hugs,
Always

Helen

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